These are the things I need to let go of about you. The conversations we had. The moments I genuinely believed were true. The seconds that I wondered if we were ever going to be powerful enough to resist all the people who told us we wouldn’t last. The sadness when it turned out that they were right and we were wrong.
There are stories I promised I would tell our children. And even the names we had kept for them. Every fight where you told me I wasn’t good enough. Every time that I told you that I wished I was good enough. All of the times we stared at the stars together. And every time we talked about the beautiful false future.
Sometimes I wonder if the God knew we would never last. All of those years I spent with you were not built to last.
I will let go of all the nightmares where I have to live in a world without you, because I’m living without you now and it isn’t so terrible. I have someone who loves me the way I need now. I never expected you to be perfect but I did expect you to love me. And when you became someone who could not do that anymore I blamed myself.
And this is something I must let go of. This, along with every abuse you hurled in the end, every burden I carried with me in the end, every part of me that still holds the guilt of losing you.
Along with every promise you ever made to me that turned out to be false. And of course, our life that never was. There are the things I need to let go about you. These are the things that were never built to come true.